


I welcome it

by younoknowme93



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Gen, Severus Snape-centric, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23547568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/younoknowme93/pseuds/younoknowme93
Summary: A short oneshot of Severus thinking before the end of the war
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	I welcome it

**Author's Note:**

> I know how short this is my ducklings. Don't worry, this is not your promised post today, To say it simply, I was in a dark place and tried to channel it into something instead of letting it fester. Not sure that I succeeded. Onward my ducklings.

That magical period between the days where it is no longer night but not quite dawn. The time when I belong to no man, and I might could convince myself I do not even exist. If I ever existed. Sometimes I believe there was a point that I did exist, but I lost myself somewhere along the way. 

The world is quiet because all that are sane have fallen to slumber. I’m still awake playing my favorite past-time. What is my reason for living today? Perhaps morose, but I find it cleansing to provide a reason. Simply ‘being’ has never sufficed. If I were to be honest with myself, no excuse is valid enough to keep up the charade. 

I have been dead for a long time.

I almost envy the ghosts. They are trapped between realms and yet they are freer than I have ever been. During the day, I must wear my mask and deceive all that see me. I am confident and indestructible. I am unwavering in the decisions I have made. I do not tire of life.

But during these moments when no one is capable of seeing my folly, I can be honest- at least with myself. I don’t have to hold back the tears. I can confess to myself that the ache set so deeply in my chest is because my humanity died long ago and I am still mourning.

Yes, I can even entertain the perverse desire for death. I can laugh at the notion of a potion corroding my very insides and feel joy at knowing the pain would be warranted. Unfortunately, I know my reason for living today. That mad man I follow has a plan that his loyal pawn must finish carrying out. I know his plan will have me killed before the end. That is reason enough to hold off because I know before the end of this war, I will be no more. 

I welcome it.


End file.
